The Shorter Lord of the Rings

Everyone was enjoying themselves at Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday party.

"Mind if I have a glance at that ring of yours, Bilbo?" said Gandalf. "Hm, I thought so, it's the One Ring of Power. Better deal with it straightaway. Gwaihir", he called, and an eagle swooped down, "take this to Mount Doom and drop it in one of the cracks". The eagle took the ring and flew off. "It's more sensible than giving it to Frodo or Aragorn or anyone else", Gandalf said. "They might get corrupted by it and want to keep it."

"You are right, Gandalf", said Aragorn, coming up. "And now I get to be King without having to fight any battles. Goody!"

Gwaihir flew straight to Mount Doom and did as he was told. Barad-Dür immediately collapsed and Sauron had a heart attack and died. Everyone lived happily ever after. Frodo sometimes used to complain that he'd had a rather boring life, but he didn't really mind.